Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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