Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
