the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are two peas in an std pod
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
