Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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