Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
