11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize