$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
