so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Alive.
So much puke
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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