never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
