do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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