Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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