just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
