just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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