I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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