Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
