i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
