I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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