Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
