he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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