you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
