I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
