hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
