My Higher Power is John Stamos
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
