And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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