So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
