At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
