So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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