I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
