Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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