Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
