The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
