i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
