Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Randomize
