I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
