Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
