Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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