I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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