I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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