why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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