Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
