the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
