I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
