we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
