I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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