Four minutes until I can fart!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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