sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
