Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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