I'm so fucking centered right now
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
