my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
