Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
