1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
