Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
