you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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