we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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