R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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