I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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