You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
