All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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