I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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