Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
